There is no one answer to the question, “Who should care for elderly family members.” It depends on the situation, the needs of the loved one in question, and the skillsets of those involved. However, optimizing an aging loved one’s safety, security, independence, and social engagement depends on establishing a long-term care plan and a caregiving team - in whatever form that takes.

Tips To Choose Who Should Take Care Of Elderly Family Members

The earlier you begin answering this question, the better the care plan. For example, we recommend that clients and families start creating a long-term care plan before they need it—or at the very first signs that their parent or grandparent needs extra support. Waiting too long means making decisions in the midst of crisis and emotional upset, and that does not typically yield the most thoughtful or best choices.

Similarly, the sooner you create a long-term senior care plan, the more input you can have from the person who’s most involved - your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, etc. - and their wishes should always be honored in any way possible.

When to start planning for senior care

It’s never too early to begin thinking about what you want in terms of senior care. There is no predictable future, so a thoughtful long-term care plan accommodates varying scenarios. 

If a long-term care plan isn’t already in place, these are some of the clear signs it’s time to create one. 

• The initial diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or dementia
• Age-related changes affecting mobility.
• Vision changes that will eventually prohibit driving privileges (like glaucoma, age-related macular degeneration (AMD), diabetic retinopathy, etc.
• Experiencing a TIA, mini-stroke, or stroke.
• Inability to prepare/eat healthy meals without support (fridge and cupboards look bare, existing foods are past expiration dates, a lack of fresh, nutritious food, or you notice unusual weight loss).
• There is medication left over - or there isn’t enough medication to last through - when the prescription is renewed (a sign they need medication management support).
• Your loved one struggles to keep up with incontinence care.
• There is a clear lack of organization, cleanliness, clean laundry, etc., in their home.

Daily tasks become challenging as we age. A proactive care plan is proactive about providing support. In addition to helping your loved one age in place with comfort, dignity, and the ability to do the things they love, a care plan helps prevent unnecessary but inevitable accidents. 

Putting an (un)official care team in place for your elderly family members

Creating a care team requires communication between clients, their spouses, and close family members. Depending on the needs at the time, most care for elderly family members includes:

Family members

The go-to solution has traditionally been spouse and family caregivers. However, this isn't always ideal depending on the family and household. For example, if one spouse still works to provide much-needed income or to continue health insurance coverage, others may need to be brought in to provide daytime support.

NOTE: Did you know that a spouse or family caregiver may qualify to earn a small income while caring for a loved one? It’s worth looking into if financial hardship prevents someone from getting the care they deserve.

Even in cases where spouses or family members are happy to provide full-time care, caregiver fatigue, and burnout are inevitable if they don’t get much-needed breaks or vacations. In the world of caregiving, we call this respite care, which can be provided by other family members, friends, or professional caregivers.

Start by speaking to family members who live close by and see who is interested and what they can offer with a willing and open heart. Honor people where they’re at. List what’s needed and see where people feel called to help. Then, create a schedule of rotating shifts and support.

Those who can’t or won’t help out in person should be respected as well. They may be able to help out in other ways, like providing funds for caregivers, meal services, transportation, etc.

Bay Area senior care resources

The Bay Area has a wide range of resources for Bay Area seniors living alone or aging couples. From transportation services and senior centers with calendars jam-packed with fun to adult daycare facilities and meal delivery, there is a good chance some of your loved one’s needs can be taken care of by the community, making it easier for spouse and family caregivers to fill in the gaps.

Transitioning to assisted living or nursing home

AARP’s latest figures find that nearly 90% of all aging adults would prefer to age in their own homes with the right resources in place. However, that isn’t always possible, and the other 10% would rather live in a community offering assisted living services. 

If your loved one lives in an assisted living or nursing home community, keep in mind that you can hire homecare aides to optimize their experience and ensure they’re reaping the benefits and services offered by the facility. Having their own private companion can automatically increase the quality of care they receive from the professionals where they live because those professionals know someone is paying close attention.

Hospice care

People mistakenly associate hospice care with “giving up” or “being willing to die.” In fact, hospice care teams provide invaluable support for those facing a life-ending diagnosis, those who’ve opted to cease treatment, or those with dementia who can no longer take care of themselves. Hospice supports their clients and the client's families, providing an entire team (nurses, aids, chaplain/spiritual support, social services and counseling, volunteers, etc.) and can improve quality of life.

Professional senior in-home care providers to care for elderly family memebers

Professional senior care professionals provide invaluable support to Bay Area seniors and their families. We can help out in a myriad of ways. In the beginning, to make your senior loved one more comfortable and build rapport, we might start by coming one or two days a week to provide light housekeeping, laundry, and linen changes. Or they might like us to do some grocery shopping and meal/snack preparation.

We can also provide respite care to give primary caregivers a break, or we’re happy to come on board for part-time, overnight, or full-time shifts. In most cases, working with a professional caregiving agency in some capacity allows seniors to age gracefully in their own homes while maintaining healthy and socially engaged lives.

Schedule A Free In-Home Assessment With HomeAide Home Care

Would you like support in creating a long-term care plan that addresses an aging loved one’s needs now and into the future? Would you like recommendations on the level of care that makes the most sense for recent occurrences? Schedule a free, in-home assessment with HomeAide Home Care. There is no obligation, and the information you glean may be exactly what you need to make more informed choices about who should care for elderly family members - and how.

We look forward to meeting with you and helping you learn more about us and other Bay Area senior resource providers.

When speaking with those caring for family members, there are several common threads when it comes to triggers and pet peeves. 

Most Common Pet Peeves of Family & Spouse Caregivers

Here are 10 of the pet peeves we hear about most when speaking to family and spouse caregivers.

I am the one who has to do everything

This is a serious concern. Spouse and family caregivers aren’t exaggerating when they say they have to do just about everything. In addition to caring for a loved one who can’t take care of themselves, caregivers also take over all daily life chores and responsibilities. 

It is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting - and the workload only increases as a loved one’s condition progresses. 

How to ease the way: Friends and family members can set up a respite care schedule or contribute funds to pay for professional respite care shifts. In addition to being able to get away for their own medical and wellness appointments, ensuring they have a significant break at least once per week gives them the chance to be themselves.

I’m so tired all the time; I feel overwhelmed

It’s not surprising that without support, family caregivers frequently suffer from what’s known as caregiver or compassion fatigue. Caregiver fatigue can quickly morph into caregiver burnout without access to breaks, honoring a self-care routine, and finding ways to experience a little fun and joy each day.

How to help: Well-meaning but general statements like, “Let us know if you need anything,” mean you’ll probably never get a call. Instead, be direct: “Let me know one thing I can help you with this week.” Or, “I’d like to help give you a break; would you like me to go grocery shopping, do the laundry, or bring you a meal or two and some company?” These are far more likely to get an answer and provide much-needed relief.

My spouse/family member never sleeps - so I’m sleep-deprived

Sleep disorders or interrupted sleep patterns are par for the course with so many conditions that require caregiving in the first place. In the case of Alzheimer’s or dementia, sleep issues are the result of deteriorating neural activity and biochemical changes. For those who have a terminal or chronic illness, physical discomfort or medication side effects may create sleep challenges. Either way, it takes its toll on the caregiver.

What you can do: When and if you can, set up respite care shifts that include some of the late or overnight hours to help primary caregivers get a full night’s sleep. Or consider working with a caregiving agency offering overnight shifts to fill in some gaps. 

Everybody thinks they know what’s best, and we’re butting heads

Wouldn’t it be lovely if families were all on the same page about a person’s care? Unfortunately, that rarely happens. Most of the time, there’s a variety of family opinions - some of them conflicting. However, the primary caregiver gets the brunt of it all because they’re doing the best they can and can feel nothing they do is ever good enough. 

This is especially frustrating when the critiques, commentaries, and opinions are coming from relatives who live far away and have no idea what the day-to-day situation is like.

Ideas to reduce conflict: Try to support a family caregiver’s style unless something truly feels dangerous, risky, or immoral. If you live out of town, offer support through gift cards, food deliveries, or paying someone to provide respite care and try to keep your differences of opinion to yourself. If a long-term care plan is in place, refer to it and use it as the definitive guide. You may also want to engage a loved one’s GP and get their input, creating a standard care plan - agreed to by all - that serves as a reference guide.

My loved one constantly criticizes my way of doing things

Another common pet peeve is being micromanaged by the person you’re caring for. Talk about feeling taken for granted and underappreciated. However, those being cared for have lost their sense of control, which is one way they’re taking it back.

How to ease the situation: Try to create a team of caregivers so varied techniques and ways of doing things become the norm. Otherwise, see if you can find the time and space to share how this feels and how you can both work together to create a united plan.

Our friends seem to have disappeared

This is a painful reality for many spouse and family caregivers who watch friends drop by the wayside as caregiving needs increase. It feels very isolating. Some people have difficulty witnessing and being present in hard times. Others don’t know how to help, and guilt keeps them away. Then there is the reality that individuals and couples experiencing age-related or health-related decline usually have peers experiencing a similar version of things.

How to change it: If you have the courage to have direct conversations, that’s always better than making assumptions. Otherwise, we recommend utilizing support groups, attending events at the senior center, and finding new ways to branch out and spark the social life. And, don’t forget about the power of video chatting platforms, which means you can “go out to dinner” or “have a happy hour” online - if not in person.

Everyone asks how my loved one is doing but forgets about me

So much of aging, or being a caregiver, feels like a regression into childhood or becoming a parent again. New mothers frequently experience the crash of going from the revered expectant mother to nothing more than a vessel once the baby is born - all the attention shifts to the baby.

The same can be true for caregivers, who spend lots of time keeping others informed of how their loved one is doing while silently suffering - unattended - in their own ways.

What to do: Getting updates on a loved one who isn’t well or experiencing age-related decline is important. However, don’t forget to check in with the caregiver and really listen to how they’re doing. Never take “I’m fine” as an answer. We assure you there’s more under the surface than that!

People ignore my loved one and talk to me instead

This is another common issue for caregivers who involuntarily take on the role of translator, intermediary, and communicator for their loved one. This is also extremely frustrating for the person being spoken about as if they’re not there, and that frustration is likely to be taken out on the caregiver. This may be related to #6, and because some people feel uncomfortable around illness, physical/mental decline, or conditions like dementia that eventually alter a person’s personality. 

How to reverse the trend: If you’re the caregiver, we recommend being proactive. When someone is coming to visit or you’re attending an event, let people know ahead of time that your loved one is able to answer for themselves. Sometimes, people just need an honest reminder. Other times, you can turn to your loved one with a wink and repeat the question. This reminds the visitor or friend that they can answer for themselves.

I’m left out of the clinical loop due to HIPPA

This is a serious challenge, especially when caregivers are a child, family friend, or partner rather than spouses. We can’t say enough about how important it is to complete your advanced directives and long-term care plans before there’s a reason to. This should include information about who should be included in healthcare communications. The next best thing is completing them when you receive a diagnosis or know you’ll need a care plan. 

How to facilitate healthcare communication: You can do other things to keep the communication stream open. For example, ask your loved one to provide written permission for designated people to be included in healthcare conversations. Schedule telehealth appointments whenever possible, allowing you to participate in the conversation. 

Hearing constant praise or comments like, “You’re an angel,” or “I’d never be able to do what you do”

The sentiments are nice, but platitudes like this can actually feel stressful. First and foremost, as this list of family caregiver pet peeves illuminates, they don’t always feel like saints. Most family and spouse caregivers spend lots of time feeling angry, resentful, frustrated, and stressed - which doesn’t align with the idea of an “angel” or “saint.” Also, they didn’t want or choose this role. So they weren’t able to do what they did until they had to.

How to strike a balance: Be as honest as possible, “I see how hard you’re working. That must be challenging.” Or, “I’m so grateful for all that you do. I really admire it.” But then follow that up with specific requests for how you can help, what they need, etc. (See #2). 

Is A Family Caregiver You Know Feeling Overwhelmed?

Do you suspect - or know - a family caregiver you know is overwhelmed or feeling peeved more often than not? If so, it’s probably time to bring in professional support. This can be as simple as weekly respite care, transportation support, or meal preparation, to more part- and full-time care services that support the caregiver and allow them to focus on the one they live in a non-caregiving way.

Contact HomeAide Home Care to learn more about the options and to schedule a free, no-obligation assessment. You’ll gain valuable tips on easing the peeve and how to stress levels associated with daily caregiving responsibilities.

In addition to being painful and requiring wound care, bedsores can cause long-term and irreparable damage. They also leave the individual at risk for infection and illness. If you care for a loved one or client who is bed- or chairbound, Bedsores 101 is an essential guide to protect the wellbeing of the one you care for.

If your loved one lives alone and you notice any bedsore warning signs, it’s time to get them outside support to ensure they can continue aging safely in place.

Bedsore Prevention, Warning Signs, and Treatment

Bedsore prevention and management is a primary topic in the healthcare arena when discussing patient care and risk management. The evolution of bedsores can begin a downward spiral, so bedsore prevention is the first and most critical step. However, for some patients, bedsores may be inevitable, requiring expert attention and care to prevent them from worsening.

STEP ONE: Bedsore Prevention

Bedsores are most common in areas of the body that experience constant pressure from stagnant positions. These are typically the areas on the skin where the bones are closest, without fat or muscle tissue to act as a cushion. We call these areas “bony prominences.” 

As a result, bedsores typically develop on:

• Buttocks/tailbone
• Ankles
• Hips
• Knees (for those who spend their time on their sides)
• Knobs of the spine

While continuous pressure is the primary cause of bedsores, there are secondary factors as well. These include poor health, malnutrition, and dehydration. A holistic approach to bedsore prevention is the best way forward. 

Healthy diet

Maintaining a healthy diet is essential for us all and is certainly the first line of defense from developing bedsores. A well-nourished body is better able to heal itself, which can help reduce the risk of bedsores and help them heal faster. Also, don’t forget that hydration is a part of nutrition.

EXCEPTION: There is one exception to this rule: when a person is dying. A decline in appetite is completely normal and should be respected in patients who are in the last months of their life. When a person begins declining food, it’s typically a sign their body cannot process food in a healthy way. If you don’t have a supportive hospice team on board, this is a good time to connect with hospice agencies in your area to learn more about the natural dying process. Watch Babara Karnes’s (hospice R.N. and end-of-life expert), video on how not eating is a normal part of the dying process.

Exercise and regular movement

Just because you spend the majority of the day in a chair or bed doesn’t mean you can’t exercise. If your loved one can move, implement relevant movement into their day. Speak to their healthcare provider about exercises for homebound seniors and see if any work for you. If not, your physician can recommend a physical or occupational therapy session to teach you ways to manipulate limbs in healthy ways to promote healthy circulation.

Regular position changes

Position changes are essential to prevent that continuous, extended pressure that causes bedsores in the first place. You can do this manually, supporting loved ones as they move from side to side or from elevated torso to lying with elevated legs, etc. It’s also wise to invest in pressure mattresses or pads that use airflow or fluid flow to change the bed’s pressure points. If you can’t afford them, speak to the healthcare provider to find free or low-cost resources.

Provide extra (clean) padding in key locations

You can also provide extra padding, using pillows or thin memory foam sections, to cushion areas that are at risk or showing the first stages of bedsores. For example, ensure the shoulders and the areas between the knees are padded and protected for those sleeping or lying on their sides.

STEP TWO: Recognizing The Warning Signs: Stages Of Bedsores

Bedsores do not develop overnight. There are clear warning signs, so paying attention and recognizing when they’re erupting is essential to preventing more severe occurrences. 

IF YOUR LOVED ONE LIVES IN A FACILITY: If your bed- or chairbound loved one lives in a facility and you aren’t able to check in at least once per week, we highly recommend hiring a caregiver to become their companion and wellness checker. The CDC cites that at least 10% of nursing home residents have bedsores. Personal caregivers are the best way to ensure your loved one isn’t overlooked or neglected.

Stage 1: Warm, firm, and/or red skin at key pressure points

Keep a constant and vigilant eye on the areas most likely to develop bedsores. These checks should be done daily. If you are caring for a spouse or family member, consider enlisting the help of a licensed caregiver who can support you with personal tasks, especially those that involve heavy lifting, position changes, incontinence care, and bedsore checks.

During the first stage, irritated tissue at key pressure points becomes red, warm, more firm, or softer to the touch than the surrounding skin. During the first stage, the skin is not broken. Taking action now is key to stopping ulcers from growing worse.

Stage 2: Open sore (broken skin)

During Stage 2, the affected deep tissue is so damaged that it erodes away, causing the exterior skin layers to break open. These wounds need immediate care and are also a red flag that other areas may soon be affected. Let your healthcare provider know ASAP to receive proper instructions for care and treatment.

Stage 3: Full-thickness skin loss and deep wounds

At this point, the breakdown of tissue and fat/muscle tissue is so great that you can see deeper into the ulcer.

Stage 4: Full-thickness skin and tissue loss

At this final stage, the wounds are so deep that connective and bone tissue are also involved. You can see exposed muscles, tendons, ligaments, or bones.

STEP THREE: Wound Care For Bedsores

Again, bedsores that are in stages 2, 3, or 4 should be assessed by a professional healthcare provider. In most cases, treatment involves routine cleaning and dressing of the wounds with simultaneous attention to regular position changes and proper cushioning. 

In some cases, the removal of damaged tissue is required. Your physician can prescribe a wound care team to provide regular support until the bedsores are improved enough that you can continue with wound care management and prevention strategies.

Can We Be Of Service?

HomeAide Home Care provides licensed home care to our client’s homes and senior facilities throughout the Bay Area. Our caregivers are here to provide support as you work to prevent and manage bedsores. Contact us to schedule a free, in-home assessment.

Lack of bladder or bowel control can negatively affect anyone’s life. The embarrassment and shame can cause seniors to withdraw from their social life and retreat into the home, which leads to loneliness, depression, and anxiety. 

9 Professional Tips For Helping Someone With Incontinence

Fortunately, a solid incontinence care plan changes everything. The combination of honest conversation and a step-by-step plan means adults with incontinence can confidently embrace their lives.

Here are nine professional incontinence care tips to support your loved one.

Schedule an appointment with the doctor

Yes, incontinence is indeed a “normal” part of aging for many. However, that doesn’t mean you should accept it without question. Some factors increase the chances of becoming incontinent and may be addressed by your physician. Examples include:

• Urinary tract infections (which are commonly asymptomatic in seniors. This should be the first line of investigation)
• Weak bladder/pelvic floor muscles (see #3)
• Chronic coughing or sneezing
• Enlarged prostate
• Obesity
• Smoking
• Medication side effects (medications linked to incontinence include some blood pressure medicines, diuretics, and sleeping pills)

Addressing these issues with the professional facilitation of a physician eases the conversation. While it may not eliminate episodes, it can minimize their frequency or severity. Your physician should look at your medical history and current prescriptions and then make recommendations to support the way forward.

Have an honest conversation (or two, or three)

The loss of bladder/bowel control can feel like the final straw for many aging adults because they see their senior years as losing control of everything. And, of course, the stigma of “embarrassment” they feel makes it tempting to try to hide the issue rather than face it head-on. Our recommendation is to find ways to bring the subject up gently. Also, keep a very pragmatic, calm, and businesslike tone about it. This is something that happens to everyone at one point or another. If you suspect resistance, start by bringing it up and letting it go. For example, “I want to mention a sensitive topic, and then you can just think about it if you don’t want to talk about it now. Are you open to that?” 

If they are open, mention that you want to talk about incontinence care sometime in the next week or two, and ask them to let you know a good time to chat? For some, the conversation will be immediate. It may take a while for others, and you may need to follow up. Then, slowly but surely, you can create a plan together. 

Support abdominal/pelvic/bladder strength

Pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause are three reasons women are more prone to urinary incontinence. Even so, hormonal changes and a decline in physical strength also play a part. The weaker the abdominal, pelvic, and bladder muscles are, the more likely people are to leak or have trouble “holding it” when they need to go, and there isn’t a bathroom nearby. 

Spend a little time each day on exercises that strengthen the core muscles and pelvic floor. We also recommend joining a senior yoga or pilates class and letting the instructor know you’d like to focus on pelvic floor strength. Doing daily kegel exercises strengthens pelvic muscles and may improve bladder control in just three to six weeks. Visit WebMD’s post, Kegel Exercises for Pelvic Muscles, for instructions.

Rethink how you view incontinence support

We admit the term “adult diapers” is off-putting. No wonder seniors are offended. The good news is that pads and underwear designed for incontinence have come a long way in the past couple of decades. They are more streamlined and comfortable than ever. Come up with a nickname together or just call them what they are “underwear.” 

And, if it’s embarrassing to buy them at the store, purchase them online. Most online retailers have regular shipping options, so the pads, underwear, or overnight protection options are delivered at regular intervals right to your door.

Evaluate the diet and reduce foods/ingredients that increase incontinence

Some foods make seniors more prone to incontinence, so reducing their intake can help. These include:

• Caffeine (caffeinated coffee and teas)
• Alcohol
• Spicy foods
• Chocolate
• Sugars and artificial sweeteners
• Tomato products
• Some acidic fruits and fruit juices

Try a week or two of cutting these ingredients out. Switch from caffeinated to decaf options. See if it makes a difference. A healthy senior diet goes a long way towards supporting a range of medical conditions.

Protect the skin

Even with pads and underwear designed for incontinence, the skin can stay moister than usual and become irritated. Consider using products designed to provide a skin-moisture barrier. Creams or ointments that contain zinc oxide, lanolin, or petrolatum form a protective barrier on the skin. Some skincare products, often in the form of a spray or a towelette, create a clear, protective film over the skin. These are typically available on the same shelves as pads and incontinence underwear. Examples include Calmoseptine, A&D Ointment, Calazime, Lantiseptic, Z-Gaurd, and Aquaphor.

A bathroom schedule can help someone with incontinence

Timeliness is everything when it comes to incontinence. You want to get to the bathroom before the urge becomes so strong that the nerves and muscles give way. Create a bathroom schedule and stick to it. Start by visiting the bathroom every hour and then every two hours and see what makes the most sense. Once there’s a regular routine, people with incontinence often notice their stress and anxiety around the issue dissipates. Technology can help with this so consider setting a reminder on a phone or tablet to support the cause.

Keep up on the laundry and linens

Noticing strong odors related to incontinence is one of the common signs seniors need more support to live independently. Above and beyond the concerns around untended incontinence, they deserve to have access to clean clothes, linens, and towels on a daily basis. If laundry has become too much of a chore and clothes aren’t clean, it contributes to seniors’ desire to recluse rather than remain socially engaged.

This might be a good time to hire a caregiver who comes in once or twice a week to do the laundry, change the linens, and provide light housekeeping duties. It also serves as a regular wellness check and the caregiver can provide family members with an objective view of how things are going and any changes or signs your loved one needs more help.

Give yourself a break

If you’re a spouse or family caregiver, incontinence is not an easy thing to handle on a daily basis. We mentioned above that, “loss of bladder/bowel control can feel like the final straw for many aging adults.” It can be the final straw for their family caregivers, too. That is especially true if incontinence care requires assisting a chair- or bed bound senior. 

Let Us Help

Full-time caregiving without help from others is exhausting and leads to fatigue and burnout. If you find yourself getting stressed, resentful, angry, or overwhelmed, it’s time to give yourself a break. Take advantage of professional respite care services to recharge your battery. Could you use support navigating incontinence care for a loved one? Schedule an assessment with HomeAide Home Care. We have decades of experience supporting Bay Area seniors and their families.

Fortunately, there are programs available that pay children to take care of their aging parents. The amount varies depending on your situation and rarely replaces a full-time salary. However, the financial boost may be just what you need to make it possible to take time off or minimize work hours to take care of the ones you love. 

Programs That Pay Children To Take Care Of Elderly Parents 

There are no programs out there that will fully compensate you for the countless hours you’ll spend caring for your aging parents. That said, the income derived from the following programs may help ends meet, or alleviate financial stress, along the way. 

MediCal/Medicaid In-Home Support Services (IHSS) 

Medicaid services in all 50 of the United States provide some level of compensation to qualified individuals to manage their own, long-term care plan - as opposed to paying an agency to do so. In California, this can include hiring qualified children to provide care for senior parents.  

In fact, California has one of the more generous versions of this program because it also pays qualifying spouses, siblings, and extended family members. Those who provide care for qualifying individuals can get paid for everything from direct patient care to housekeeping and errand running, depending on the circumstances. 

This program is largely dependent on the income/asset value of the person requiring care. You can contact the MediCal Member Helpline to learn more about qualifications and how to apply. 

Home & Community-Based Services (HCBS) Waiver 

Have you just received a diagnosis, like Alzheimer’s or dementia, that will require a long-term care plan? If so, now is the time to apply for Home and Community-Based Services (HCBS) waivers. These are designed for people who get Medicaid but didn’t qualify for IHSS.  

It can allow you to care for a parent at home, rather than having to transfer him/her to an assisted living or another type of care facility if that goes against your parent’s wishes.  

If you’re trying to decide which makes more sense, home care or assisted living facility, we recommend reading, The Cost of Senior Care: Home Care vs Assisted Living, to compare the two. 

Examples of the various waivers, all of which are applied through via MediCal using the link provided above, include: 

• Assisted Living Waiver (ALW) 
• Veteran Directed Care (VD-HCBS) - more on veteran’s care below 
• Multi-Purpose Senior Services Waiver (MSSP) 
• Home and Community-Based Services Waiver for the Developmentally Disabled (HCBS-DD) 

These programs almost always have waiting lists, which is why time is of the essence. 

Veteran’s Aid & Attendance Program 

The Veteran’s Aid & Attendance Program is overseen by the U.S. Department of Veteran’s Affairs (VA). It was created to support veterans who are struggling to pay for home care services or care costs at other residential facilities. 

In addition to being the recipient of a veteran pension, the basic qualifying criteria for the extra Veteran’s Aid & Attendance Pension include: 

• You need another person to help you perform daily activities, like bathing, feeding, and dressing, or 
• You have to stay in bed—or spend a large portion of the day in bed—because of illness, or 
• You are a patient in a nursing home due to the loss of mental or physical abilities related to a disability, or 
• Your eyesight is limited (even with glasses or contact lenses you have only 5/200 or less in both eyes; or concentric contraction of the visual field to 5 degrees or less) 

You can Click Here to read more about the program and to determine whether or not your parent is eligible. 

Long-Term Care Insurance 

Sometimes, seniors forget about the funds they set aside or planned for when they need it most. Ask your parent whether s/he ever paid for a long-term care insurance plan. If s/he is suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia, it’s worth a trip through the file cabinet or safe to search for paperwork. We also recommend checking in with his/her estate attorney or reviewing any will or trust to see if a long-term care insurance plan is accounted for in any of their estate documents. 

Paid Family Leave Act 

The state of California offers the Paid Family Leave Act (PFL). This legislature ensures employees have the ability to take paid time off work to care for a family member. It requires certification from your parent’s medical care provider, and you can earn 60% to 70% of your wages to do so. 

The caveat is that the plan is short-term, only allowing up to eight weeks off work. That said, a combination of your siblings, children, or adult grandchildren may make it possible to provide a long-term family home care plan, interspersing shifts with professionals as needed. 

Direct Payment From Family To Care For Elderly Parents 

Many families find that a family payment pool is the best and most affordable way to ensure their senior loved one is cared for by a family member, without causing financial stress or demise for the caregiver.  

If you go this route, it is wise to consult with an attorney or paralegal who specializes in elder care and estate planning to draw up documentation that is professional, thorough, outlines potential scenarios, and that everyone can sign. 

The combination of paying a family member, paying professional caregivers in-between times, and taking advantage of senior care resources in the Bay Area is a wise, comprehensive solution. 

A Reverse Mortgage 

Depending on the situation, your family may decide it’s beneficial to apply for a reverse mortgage. The Bay Area real estate market has only gone up in the past two to four decades, and that equity is far better used to provide high-quality, loving care at home than saved to disperse to beneficiaries after your parent(s) pass on. 

Even a very small equity line of credit, that doesn’t dramatically reduce the home’s total equity, may be exactly enough to pay for family caregivers for the time, energy, and emotional investment required when taking care of elderly parents. 

Always consult with a financial advisor or tax attorney before making any major decisions like this, and having a family meeting to gain a consensus so the decision feels equitable to all. 

Would you like to learn more about how to integrate paid family caregiving that allows you to take care of elderly parents, while also having access to professional home care providers for respite care or to fill in the shift gaps? Contact HomeAid Home Care and schedule a free assessment. 

First, Let’s Define Self-Care 

Somehow, the term “self-care” has become synonymous with mani/pedi and massages. Those are absolutely wonderful things and should absolutely become a part of your self-care regimen if possible. However, self-care means so much more than that. It starts with the basics and then reaches out into the less tangible realms.  

For example, self-care refers to: 

• Eating well to nourish your body and mind 
• Establishing healthy sleep habits 
• Getting daily exercise (preferably via some time spent outdoors) 
• Practicing stress management (meditation, prayer, mindfulness, deep breathing, stretching, etc.) 
• Learning to say, “no,” to give yourself extra time 
• Recognizing the signs of caregiver fatigue/burnout so you can honor them 
• Asking for the help you need 
• Getting emotional/mental/spiritual support from professionals or others 
• Practicing gratitude 

We could go on and on, but this list represents a foundation for true, nourishing self-care. From there, you can expand with whatever other wonderful treatments, healing modalities, or luxuries time and money permits. 

Make a healthy diet a priority for some stress relief 

If you don’t nourish your body with the right foods, you’ll be running on empty - and that’s not good for you or your client. Make healthy meals and snacks a priority. There are so many ways to make that happen, including with your client or loved one.  

We’ve written multiple posts pertaining to meal planning, nutrition, and so on. We are a homecare provider in the Bay Area, so our posts are geared towards seniors. However, when it comes to food, nutrition, and meal planning - the tenets are universal. Feel free to read any of the following: 

• Focus on an anti-inflammatory diet 
• Healthy Tips on Cooking 
• Arthritis Diet: What to Eat & What to Avoid 

Practice healthy sleep habits 

Your body needs to rest well, and habitually, to restore energy, maintain hormone balance, and to keep your immune system healthy. If you are not getting the rest you need, it will take its toll on your overall health. 

Visit AARP’s post, 4 Tips For Better Sleep While Caregiving. Also, plenty of natural daylight by day and then a lights-out sleeping environment help the body’s natural circadian rhythm - one more reason why exercising outdoors is a good idea. We also invite you to our post about aromatherapy and how it can support relaxation, good sleep, and daytime energy. 

Make sure you’re exercising 

Exercise is about far more than weight management or cardio, it’s about clearing the mind, detoxing, getting rid of unhealthy stress hormones (cortisol, adrenaline, etc.), burning excess anxious/worried energy, and just making you plain feel good.  

Getting outside into Mother Nature while you do it is a win-win, but indoor exercise is most certainly better than no exercise.  

Actively practicing stress management 

From a yoga or meditation class or morning time spent in deep prayer to gadget-based mindfulness apps that can be used with headphones - there are so many ways to practice stress management. 

We have caregivers who set alarms hourly, or three times a day, to remind them to take deep breaths and center. You can make a conscious effort to get outside during the day - or night - to basque in the wonders of mother nature and let anxious thoughts float by like clouds in the sky. Perhaps you join a mindfulness group, or you find that gardening is the way to stress relief for you.  

It doesn’t matter how - what matters is that you are actively becoming aware of your stress levels and finding the tools to reduce them.  

Learning to say, “NO” to avoid caregiver fatigue and burnout 

We have yet to meet a caregiver who has solid boundaries from the start, especially when they are spouse/family-based caregivers. However, learning to say, “no,” is one of the best and healthiest gifts you’ll ever give to yourself and your client/loved one. Overextending yourself is always a recipe for burnout. Period. If you want to be the best caregiver you can, then you must honor your own body/needs first (remember the oxygen mask analogy?).  

It can be hard to say, “no” or to cancel plans involving something you love or “want” to do - but if your body or inner-resistor is asking you to say, “no” or bow out - please listen to and honor that wise voice. It’s your own, inner-caregiver trying desperately to do his/her job of taking care of you. 

Ask for the help you need 

Micromanagement is another very common facet of a caregiver. Even if you weren’t a micromanager before, it is a tendency to believe that your way is the best (and only) way and that without you the world will crumble. Even if the world doesn’t run as perfectly or neatly as you’d like, you can’t do it all without compromising yourself. 

Ask for the help you need and accept the help that is offered to you. This might include: 

• Arranging respite care or regular breaks from caregiving 
• Utilizing adult daycare centers in your area 
• Asking family, church, friends, etc. to start a meal train for you (certain days? One day a week? Every day?) 
• Hire a housekeeper or cleaner to keep up on chores 
• Start a GoFundMe for family/friends to contribute to your cause 
• Working with professional caregivers to take on some of the harder tasks for you 
• Finding someone to take on night shifts for you so you can get a good night’s sleep 

Seek mental/emotional support 

Finally, we find that all caregivers benefit from intentional mental and emotional support. You are doing incredible work and only other caregivers truly understand the effects that work has on your body, mind, and spirit. 

We highly recommend that you find a way to share your experience with others, which can be immensely empowering and restorative. Examples include: 

• Working with a regular therapist who has experience serving overworked caregivers 
• Looking for caregiver support groups online or in your area (there is so much wisdom and compassion to be found there) 
• Keep your feelers out and connect with others who are in the role of caregiver in your neighborhood, religious community/church, or extracurricular organizations. Even a weekly or bi-monthly Zoom or FaceTime Coffee/tea talk can provide such solace.  
• Try connecting with your local senior center to see if they offer a support group to have caregiver connections in your neighborhood. 

Let Us Bring In Some Stress Relief

Could you benefit from some serious stress relief for caregivers? The caring and experienced staff at HomeAide Home Care Inc. are here to help. Our qualified caregivers can provide welcome respite care relief as well as weekly or monthly support to make sure you are getting much-deserved rest and time off. Contact Us to learn more at 510-247-1200.

To put it in perspective, the American Psychological Association (APA) has reported that women in the Sandwich Generation feel more stress than any other group due to their exponential caregiver expectations. 

Adults taking care of their children and aging parents often feel pulled in two different directions: 

• Do you answer the call from your aging parent or do you relax and enjoy the rest of your child’s recital? 
• Should you reschedule your own doctor’s appointment again to honor a specialist appointment for your parents? 
• Is it okay to leave a mom or dad with early-stage Alzheimer’s home alone for an hour or two to get the errands run as quickly as possible? Or will that end up in disaster? 

If you aren’t careful, you can burn out quickly, which has a negative impact on your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.  

The Sandwich Generation Needs All The Support It Can Get! 

Unfortunately, most caregivers prioritize everyone’s needs but their own, and this is the exact opposite of how it should be. When you aren’t healthy, happy, and taking care of yourself, you are simply not able to provide quality care to the ones you love.  

Don’t ever consider “taking care of yourself” to be a selfish act. It is a gift that keeps on giving to those who depend on you.  

So, in deep appreciation for all that you do to care for your parents and your children, we’ve compiled a list of ways to support yourself as a noble member of the Sandwich Generation. 

Implement a regular schedule of respite care 

Respite care means that you are free to take some hours, a day, or even multiple days off so you can honor your personal calendar appointments. At the very minimum, we recommend booking respite care once a week or, at the very least, once per month.  

If you have other family members or family friends interested in providing respite care, you can set up a SignUp Genius for free and have a regular rotation. Professional respite care is also available from licensed home care agencies in your area. 

Consider adult day care options 

Adult day care centers operate similarly to child day care centers. They provide a safe, fun, and interactive space for seniors to get together. Some even specialize in memory care, making them a safe place for seniors with dementia or Alzheimer’s.   

Read the AARP’s article, Adult Day Care: What Family Caregivers Need to Know, which provides a wonderful explanation of the service as well as how to find qualified adult day care options in your area. 

Join an in-person or online support group 

As this post goes to press, we are still in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and resulting social distancing ordinance. As a result, in-person support groups may not be an option for you. However, there are plenty of online support group options available. 

Our clients repeatedly comment on how much it has helped them to communicate with others who understand exactly what they’re going through. It makes you feel less alone. Plus, support groups give you the chance to get creative, expert, and “I’ve been there" ideas from people who are on the same journey as you. 

Click Here to view a long list of caregiver support groups to find one near you, including support groups for the LGBTQ caregiving community, or to join an online group. Professional therapists can also be a wonderful resource, helping you to manage stress and cultivate self-care tools as you navigate the hurdles along the caregiving way. 

If you're part of the sandwich generation make time for the basic tenets of a healthy, active lifestyle 

Skipping meals, substituting healthy food for quick-and-dirty snacks, and putting off your daily exercise plan is the absolute worst thing you can do to support yourself. And, the same is true for your children and your parent(s). 

Here are some ideas our clients use to honor their health in addition to their caregiving duties: 

• Have mom/dad over for a weekend afternoon and spend time making multiple, easy-to-store, and reheat meals for the week. Some can go home with your parent(s) and the rest remain in your fridge for easy dinners. 
• Don’t have time to make food? Meal delivery services abound, so take advantage of them. You can have takeout delivered from your favorite restaurants via DoorDash or from meal boxes, like HelloFresh or Blue Apron. 
• Exercise together using any one of a number of YouTube videos from famous instructors. Your parent(s) can do senior-centric exercises such as chair yoga or exercises with the walker, while you search for exercise programs designed for your interest and abilities. 
• Take time each day to get outside and take a walk, look at the sky or the trees, spend some time in the garden, or simply sit on the porch sipping a cup to tea. 
• Convert from readable to audible. If you’re an avid reader, utilize platforms such as Audible.com, so you can listen to the books while driving, cleaning, running errands, etc., that you don’t have time to sit down and read anymore.  

Make sure everyone is pulling their weight 

Remember when you put your five year old’s rain boots on, only to realize s/he had been able to put them on him/herself for two full years already? It may be time to take stock of who is capable of doing what to help out. 

• Could a licensed teen/20-something take a turn taking his/her grandparent to the doctor? Or do the grocery shopping? Help out with dinner? 
• Might your out-of-town/state family members take on the meal delivery coordination for your parents, which can easily be organized and paid for online? 
• Are there extra household chores the kids can pick up to lighten your load now that you’re more actively involved in caring for their grandparents? 
• Can other family members split or take over the adult day care or respite care bills to do their share since you do the majority of the physical, day-to-day, and logistical caregiving? 
• Are you able to afford housekeeping help so you can spend more time relaxing at home? Even bi-monthly visits can yield extra free time for you. 
• Have you considered using a part-time, senior caregiving service, with the costs split between your parents, yourself, and any sibling(s)?  

Learning to ask for help - or demand a fair share of help - is often essential to getting your support needs met.  

When You're Ready For A Break

Are you looking for licensed respite care, home care, or other senior services provided by compassionate seniors in the comfort of your home - or your parent’s home? Schedule a free, in-home assessment with HomeAide Home Care. 

In the beginning phases, this is referred to as compassion fatigue. Over time, if caregivers aren’t given the breaks they need to recharge their own batteries, it morphs into caregiver burnout - and that’s a dangerous destination. 

Enlisting the support of qualified respite care is the single best thing caregivers and their families can do to prevent fatigue or burnout.  

Compassion (Caregiver) Fatigue: Are you at risk?

Seniorlink.com defines caregiver fatigue as occurring: 

“...when the caregiver feels physically, emotionally, and physically exhausted, often leading to a change in attitude. Negative feelings toward the job and the care recipient often accompany the mind state, sometimes causing feelings of resentment.” 

Anyone who serves as a caregiver is at risk for compassion, or caregiver, fatigue. Parents of minor children often “suffer” from compassion fatigue at a certain level because so much of their energetic resources are poured into their families. In fact, those who find themselves in “the sandwich generation,” caring for children at home and aging parents, are, particularly at risk. 

Caregiving for someone who is chronically/terminally ill or a senior loved one/relative puts you at heightened risk for caregiver fatigue. Eventually, if you don’t find a way to meet your own needs, caregiver fatigue leads to burnout (more on that below).  

IMPORTANT NOTE: Caregivers are often the last to notice they’re experiencing caregiver fatigue because it can creep up on you. Read this article with your spouse, partner, and loved ones. If they recognize the signs of fatigue and potential caregiver burnout, they can help you get the support you need. 

Signs of Caregiver or Compassion Fatigue 

The most common signs of caregiver fatigue are: 

• Constant feeling of exhaustion or lack of energy 
• Difficulty focusing 
• Trouble sleeping or falling asleep (the brain keeps racing) 
• Missing or forgetting your personal or family appointments, obligations, extracurricular activities, etc. 
• Withdrawal from family, friends, or activities you use to enjoy 
• Unexpressed (repressed) feelings of anger, resentment, frustration 
• Being short or terse with the ones you love (family, friends, and even the loved one you take care of my say, “You don’t seem like yourself…” 
• A feeling that you are the only one who can do this job so you just need to buck up and do it (micromanaging/control/my way is the best way) 

That final bullet point is key. The truth is that while you may certainly be “the best” at taking care of the one you love, you are not the only one who can care for them. Letting go and allowing others to help is one of the best things you can do to prevent caregiver fatigue from becoming complete burnout. 

Caregiver Burnout: The end of the road 

Caregiver burnout is similar to fatigue in how it initially expresses itself, but everything is magnified. More specifically, the anger and resentment you feel towards the person requiring your care, and/or the people you feel should be helping out but aren’t. 

Signs of more severe burnout include: 

• Complete insomnia 
• Lack of interest in activities or people you used to enjoy 
• Uncontrolled depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc. 
• Rage, anger, resentment that comes out at those around you 
• Headaches and stomach ailments 
• Exacerbated health issues 
• Feelings of complete suicide 
• A desire to harm the person your taking care of and/or yourself 

Sadly, senior neglect and abuse are far more likely to occur if a caregiver is overwhelmed, depleted, and burned out.  

Self-Care Tips for Caregivers 

There are so many things you can do, both large and small, to nourish yourself and prevent fatigue and burnout.  

Create a caregiving schedule to help with compassion fatigue

Don’t start out being a full-time caregiver without a schedule that accommodates some days/times off. These allow you to rest, recharge, attend personal appointments/social engagements, etc. These days/times off are called “respite care shifts” and respite care is available in many forms: 

• Professional respite care providers through an agency 
• Volunteers from churches or hospice 
• Adult daycare centers 
• Extended family/friends who are willing to rotate a shift once a month (or more) to help out 

Nourish yourself in the day-to-day 

People see or hear the words, “self-care” and they immediately imagine massages, mani/pedis, or a weekend retreat. All of those are lovely, but the average spouse/parent/caregiver can’t take advantage of those luxuries on a regular basis.  

What you can do is take care of yourself on a daily basis via nourishing, healthy foods, deep breaths, gentle stretches (Click Here to “take” a FREE, 30-minute, restorative yoga class at home), taking a walkout in nature, etc. Make these non-negotiables in your routine and it will help to keep your body recharged and restored. 

Avoid stimulants 

It may be tempting to drink more coffee or caffeinated tea to give you energy on those slow, sluggish, or exhausting days. In fact, drinking caffeine or using other stimulants can prevent you from getting the rest and sleep you need. Plus, it fuels a higher heart rate and can exacerbate feelings of anxiety or an inability to focus. 

Sleep when your client/loved one sleeps 

When at all possible, nap when your client naps. Or, if you can’t sleep, at least lay or sit quietly while your mind and body relax and recharge. If you are taking care of someone with dementia/Alzheimer’s or demanding needs that make it impossible to catch up on house chores, explore options and have chores done by someone else so you can be attentive when the individual is awake and can rest easy when they’re sleeping - without the feeling that there are things you need to get done around the house. 

Take A Load Off And Give Us A Call

HomeAide Home Care is a licensed, Bay Area senior care agency that understands how important respite care is to the wellbeing of primary caregivers. Contact us to explore your options so we can help you prevent caregiver fatigue and burnout. Our in-home assessments are always free.

There is a big difference between the two. And, while we understand that cost is one of the most significant factors determining who you hire, know there are always hidden costs associated with hiring an independent caregiver from a registry. 

Hiring From A Registry vs Hiring A Home Care Agency 

First, it's crucial to establish the difference between the hiring processes themselves. 

Hiring from an online registry 

Searching for a caregiver from a registry takes multiple forms, including: 

• Craigslist or "Help Wanted/Needed" adds 
• Temp agency 
• Professional staffing agency 
• Referrals of private caregivers (or family members looking for work) from your social network 
• Independent contracting agencies 
• Private duty registry 

For safety and security purposes, we advise against hiring anyone via a Craigslist or other online format that offers no form of quality control. Seniors are vulnerable, far more prone to scams and fraud than other populations, so a high-level vetting process is essential before you let anyone into your home or your loved one's life. 

While staffing agencies may do a basic check of a candidate's employment history and referrals, they aren't senior care experts. Also, they don't typically run complete criminal background checks, DMV checks, etc., nor do they typically focus on candidates' job history and references (who knows whether that "job reference" you called to verify was just their Uncle Bob, posing as a former boss?) 

Hiring a licensed home care agency 

When you contract with a licensed caregiving agency, you aren't actually hiring anyone. You're contracting with an agency, becoming a client, rather than a direct employer of their staff. 

In addition to working with caregivers who have a gift for working with seniors, you also benefit from the ability to work with Medicare-approved caregivers and to verify business licensing, Better Business Bureau ratings and reports, and other resources proving you're working with high-quality care providers. 

We can't emphasize enough the benefits of working with a Medicare-approved caregiving agency. That stamp of approval can become invaluable if/when your parents require care related to medical events or diagnoses, which may be covered by Medicare and private insurance coverage. 

Here are some of the other considerations when hiring independently or from a registry compared with working with an agency. 

Employer vs. Client 

As an employer, you're beholden to regional, state, and federal employment laws. You simply can't hire anyone "under-the-table" anymore, without facing potentially serious fines, penalties, and litigation. 

When hiring caregivers independently, you'll need to think about: 

• Taxes 
• Social security payments 
• Workers Comp/disability insurance 
• Paid sick days, vacations, time off 
• Health insurance, retirement, and other benefits 
• Who will show up to fill in/takeover if the hired caregiver(s) don't turn up, call in at the last minute, or quit in the middle of a shift? 

When you hire from an agency, you're the agency's client and they employ the caregivers. So, while their costs may seem higher at the outset, they're typically far less than when you add a private caregiver's independent wages with the additional taxes and benefits costs required of you. 

Not to mention, the business/logistics of being an employer is a lot to take on when you're also managing aging parents' needs with your own and your family's needs. 

Safety and Security 

The caregivers working with qualified agencies are vetted via complete criminal background checks, employment verification, and thorough check-ins with references. Plus, because they work for agencies specializing in senior and memory care, they attend ongoing education, training, conferences, seminars, and skills reinforcement around home care, senior health, nutrition, etc. 

Not only are most independent caregivers devoid of those qualifications (never accept a candidate-provided credit or background check!), you are responsible for their continuing education and training so they can keep up with the senior's changing needs with knowledge, expertise, and professional etiquette. 

The level of education, training, and care available from an agency cannot be compared with the large majority of private or independent registry offerings. 

Costs & Out-of-Pocket Payment 

We spoke above that the costs associated with private caregivers often winds up being much higher, and for lower-quality care. As payingforseniorcare.com states, “Aging Americans are struggling to pay for assisted living, home care and other forms of long term care.” 

Keeping the long-term view of the costs associated with senior care is important. For example, there are multiple ways to cover these costs, including VA benefits, liquidating properties or assets that aren’t in use, Medicare coverage, or working with a financial advisor to use retirement or reverse mortgage options to subsidize at-home care. 

Supervision & Monitoring 

As an employer, you're responsible for the supervision and monitoring of your caregiver employee. Assigning tasks, creating systems to monitor and evaluate they're doing what they were hired to do, and you're also responsible for discipline when job performance is sub-par or worse. 

Agency caregivers are monitored by their employers, and software and apps ensure there is a digital track record of tasks assigned/completed, communication between you the client/ caregiver-agency, any red flags, as well as caregiver's assessment of how services/offerings can best be tailored to the senior's evolving needs. 

If/when a caregiver requires discipline, requires removal from an assignment, fails to show up for work, etc., the agency automatically sends a qualified and situation-appropriate caregiving replacement to immediately step in until a permanent replacement is found. That's a much harder scenario to handle if you hire a caregiver on your own. 

If you're searching for qualified senior caregivers to support a senior loved one's independence, consider scheduling assessments with at least three, separate agencies in your area to learn more about what's available, their qualifications, and to feel out which one feels best-suited for the senior client. 

We're Here For You

Interested in learning more about the benefits of using a licensed home care agency? Contact us here at HomeAide Home Care, Inc. and schedule a free, in-home assessment. There is no obligation and we’ll answer all of your questions, and provide valuable information, about how to age at home with grace, safety, and dignity

Until relatively recently in western culture, spending time with grandparents was a given because families either lived in multigenerational households or grandparents lived close by. Now, in a time when grandparents may live on another coast – or another country – our children miss out on crucial opportunities to develop their intelligence in all capacities and to build essential bonds with their elders. 

Spending Time With Grandparents

Here are nine sweet reasons why your children benefit from spending quality time with their grandparents. 

It builds more emotional intelligence  

Single-working parent households were largely the norm, or one parent was able to bring work into the house, keeping children with them outside of school schedules. Today, increasing numbers of children spend their first several years in daycare facilities. Regardless of how wonderful they are, a daycare provider can never fill the space that a parent or grandparent occupies in a child’s life. 

So, it makes sense that studies show children who spend more time with their grandparents have fewer emotional/behavioral problems and score higher on emotional intelligence assessments. 

They smile and laugh more often 

It’s a given that the grandparent role is a special one. In the best-case scenarios, grandparents get to serve as an unconditionally loving family member who has just slightly looser ties on the child than his/her parents. Grandparents are often retired or only work full time, have more time on their hands and are eager to share focused time and energy with their grandchildren. 

As a result, grandparents have that magical ability to make children laugh, smile, and be more silly – more often. That leads to a happier and more joy-filled child. That same interaction also makes for happier, healthier seniors. 

Encourages more positive social behavior 

A recent study evaluated 10 – to 14-year-olds from both single- and two-parent households. The number of parents didn’t seem to affect social and academic performance as much as the researchers expected it to. However, children who had more regular interactions with their grandparents were more empathetic and compassionate in social settings, and they were generally more engaged in school.  

They are less likely to become depressed 

Worried your child, tween, or teen is having a hard time socially or could be battling depression? It might be time to schedule an evening, weekend, or holiday visit with grandma and/or grandpa. Children who report having a close relationship with their grandparents are less likely to experience symptoms of depression.  

Among other things, children may feel more comfortable sharing their feelings, or being comforted by their grandparents. And, because seniors are prone to loneliness and depression, they are able to sympathize and express their understanding of where the children are coming from, which helps children feel more seen and heard. 

Children forge a deeper connection with their family history and culture 

Grandparents have long been considered the story keepers in any family line. The more time a child spends with his/her grandparents or great grandparents, the more likely s/he is to see photos and albums, watch old family movies, and to hear stories that connect them to their lineage. This is particularly important for second- and third-generation immigrants who may have a less direct connection to their cultural ties. 

It can help children have a stronger bond with their parents 

Having a hard time with your adolescent? A visit with the grandparents is a great idea. In addition to giving you and your child a break, odds are s/he’ll hear lots of stories about how you were growing up – many of which you may not remember or don’t have the “parent’s perspective” about.  

Hearing about your funny, silly, surprising, or similar escapades may benefit you, too, because your child will return with a greater understanding (and bond) with your past. 

Spending time with grandparents boosts oxytocin levels (the love hormone) with cuddles 

Oxytocin is one of the “love hormones,” facilitating feelings of emotional warmth, comfort, relaxation, and connectedness. Known as a bonding hormone, oxytocin is released when we hug, cuddle, and share affectionate touch. Since grandparents are likely to have more time to snuggle on the couch, read a book, or reach out and give a gentle, long hug, your child will experience boosts in oxytocin – and all of its physical and emotional benefits. 

They can grow their skill sets 

Feel like your kids are spending way too much time on their phones, gadgets, or in front of screens – and not enough time developing their skills? Odds are one or more of your parents, step-parents or in-laws have skills they are eager to pass down. And, your child is more likely to say yes to learning woodworking, handwork, yard work, and gardening, etc., when it’s offered up by Nana or gramps. 

Ample, unconditional love 

Everyone benefits from unconditional love, and the more of it, the better. While parents are typically the go-to providers of unconditional love, experiencing it from grandparents and extended senior family members give children the opportunity to learn multidimensional examples of what unconditional love really is.  

These are just some of the many benefits of spending time with grandparents. If possible, try to find a way to connect your children with their grandparent(s), and vice versa. It’s a win-win in every way. 

We're Here To Help

Have a parent with mobility issues or a diagnosis that makes it harder for them to spend time with their grandchildren without help? Contact us here at HomeAide Home Care and we can connect you with just the right companion, driver, or helper to facilitate their precious bonding time.